I love everything about weddings. I love their beauty. I love the mystery: how out of all the billions of people on earth, one man and one woman fell so in love that they vow to join together in a lifelong monogamous union. I love that out of all the ways God reveals His glory, He uniquely designed marriage to display His love for His people. With all that marriage offers and is (leading Peter to call it “the grace of life”) why would any godly brother let it pass him by? If you don’t want marriage to pass you by, then keep reading, and let me offer you five more tips of biblical advice on how to find a wife.
1. Pray for a Wife
I know this sounds obvious, but first you must pray. John 15:7 promises, “If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” God wants us to pray. He is the One who commands, “ask for whatever you wish!” By abiding in Jesus’ words, our prayer will be, “Father let Your will be done in my life, not mine.” When we pray in God’s will (and praying for a wife is), then we can be assured that He hears us. Persevere in prayer, brothers, God is not trying to trick you. He promises that, “we must not only believe that He is, but that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him” (Heb 11:6). So while God commands us to pray, He also promises to answer! Therefore, in order to find a wife, pray fervently. There is nothing that I prayed harder and longer for than for a wife. There was a saying that went around some years ago using the acronym for pray called P.U.S.H. It stood for Pray Until Something Happens. God answers prayer! His answer might be “no,” “not this one,” or “wait,” but He will answer, and you must pray believing that. So keep PUSHING until you get a wife!
2. Lead Your Sisters
Back in the day, farmers used to pray with a hoe in their hand. That meant that although they prayed depending on God to do everything, they knew that God would work His answer out through them. Not surprisingly, the surest way to not find a wife is to pray and then avoid spending time with sisters in Christ. That being said, the Bible doesn’t call single men to be Casanovas. In 1 Timothy 5:2, Paul, through Timothy, commands single men to treat women “as sisters in all purity.” So before you can be a good husband, learn to be a good brother. Single men, leading means initiating! You must organize times in your church to encourage your sisters in Christ. You set up fun events like bowling outings. You plan ministry trips to the Union Rescue Mission. Always escort the single sisters in your church to banquets. Be gentle, hold doors, greet them, encourage them. In other words, lead while you are learning to be good platonic brothers/friends. And establish your brother-sister relationships in such a way that you maintain the godly reputation of being a one-woman kind of man (1 Tim 3:2). Don’t be a flirt, and don’t casually enter in and out of so-called dating relations.
3. Live a Life of Worship
Jesus died for you so that you could live for God. Are you doing that? Romans 12:1 describes the only proper response to Jesus’ great work of salvation is giving your life to Him as a living sacrifice. Romans 12:2 further describes what that looks like. It commands us to avoid passively allowing the world to mold our thinking. I pray that this would be true for brothers, especially in the area of marriage. Reject the world’s powerful influence to be passive about marriage. Instead of being molded by the lies of the god of this world, keep reaffirming the significance and blessing of marriage. Romans 12:2 gives commands, brothers. While you are commanded to stop passively allowing the world to mold you, God commands you to keep allowing His Word to transform you. When you consistently live this way, this verse gives you a marvelous promise to embrace. God’s will, which is perfect and good, will find you. Did you catch that? When you radically live for God instead of the world, your Father in Heaven, who knows your needs, will lead you to His will.
4. Be Wise
Use wise speech. Let your “yes” be “yes” and your “no” be “no” (Matt 5:37). Be disciplined with your tongue and time. “Too much of anything is bad” (Prov 25:16), especially getting together with a single sister late at night! Avoid the appearance of evil (1 Thess 5:22). Practice guarding your sister’s heart so that you don’t defraud her by promising what you won’t fulfill (1 Thess 4:6). And never go out with unbelievers. The only way a Christian can marry an unbeliever (2 Cor 6:14) is if he compromises and dates one first. Make a plan about how you will lead, and be accountable to it (Prov 20:18). Don’t touch single women (1 Cor 7:1). They’re not yours! Don’t arouse or awaken love before the time (Song 2:7; 3:5; 8:4). And make sure you are spiritually and emotionally mature enough to lead and provide for a sister before you ask if you can pursue her as a wife.
5. Make a Commitment
If God didn’t give you the gift of singleness, then know that He wants to give you a wife! Fear brings death to faith, and without faith it is impossible to please God (Heb 11:6). In a prayerful, godly, disciplined, and wise way, look for your missing rib! And know that God will lead you to her. He’s not trying to trick you. She won’t be perfect, but she will be perfect for you. You need a helper, so when God leads you to her through prayer and counsel, God will confirm that she is the one. When He does, ask that sister if you can cross the brother sister line to see if God’s will for you two is marriage. At this stage of the relationship, you must walk by the Spirit. If you do, then you will manifest the fruit of self-control. If you are walking in the flesh, you won’t. The bottom line is if you are not a sanctifying influence in her life, and she is not helping you grow in Christ likeness, then believe what you see. Stop the relationship because something is wrong. Yellow lights mean slow down, not speed up. And red lights mean to stop altogether. But if the Spirit is saying “yes” and counselors [especially Christian parents (1 Cor 7:36) and pastors] agree, then get a ring and get down on your knee and propose.
I am sure there is more helpful advice one could find (in fact I will write a little more about Internet dating and a woman’s role in pursuing marriage in my next post), but I hope these biblical tips will help.
May God grant you the grace you need to find a wife. I’m praying for you, brothers.